not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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