Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
