Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
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