first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
