Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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