I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
