i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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