You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
