It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
