i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
