I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
