i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
