If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
