just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
