I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
