He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
