This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
