I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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