I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
