Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I want to fling myself into the sun
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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