I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
