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You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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