It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
