you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
porn star boner night. come get it.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
