I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
