put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
