I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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