Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
