i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
