I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
