His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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