I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
