She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize