I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
