If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
3 2 1 whiskey
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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