my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
