Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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