Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize