Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
