11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
She is in my trunk
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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