doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
