Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
