Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
two words...techno handjob
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
