i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
