You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
If I die, sorry about rent.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
