I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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