No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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