I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
