waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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