It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
