3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize