She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
