what day is it and did you see me today?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Randomize
