i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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