New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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