If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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