apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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