Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
