Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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