Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
