My first STD was from a foam party
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
