But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
