So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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