there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
