my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
