his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
We had sex on a dog bed..
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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