I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
