I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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