You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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