I just saw a hot homeless man
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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