1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
