I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
