okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize