so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Randomize