Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
