i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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