Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
