I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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