She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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