I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
