How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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