My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
