I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
