Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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