she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
