i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
