It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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