oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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