She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
