I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
