I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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