dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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