i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
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