Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
