your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
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