the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
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