I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
there was a trapeze. enough said
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize