i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
