The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
