So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
