My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
