I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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