Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Randomize
