It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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